We did it!

So....I've had a rough couple of days. Stranded on the breastfeeding / toddler entertaining island. And needing a little extra love, encouragement and motivational talks from...someone. Greg gave it his best and offered me this bit of....don't know quite what to call it....thought when saying goodbye for work this morning, "This isn't Nam....we're going to make it." As in, this isn't the Vietnam war. Thank you honey. I feel much better now. And with the perspective, and an entire day with no plans, we rallied. Let's just say I picked myself up by my boot straps. That's what we do in Texas.

First mission. Target. Me. And both boys. I had avoided it long enough. Lyle is 6 weeks old and I have not ventured to any sort of grocery store / market with both of them. And there are some things that you just can't buy (or really shouldn't) at the drive thru liquor...I mean dairy in our neighborhood. So off to Target we went. After a brief anxiety attack in the parking lot, we got out of the car. I carried Lyle in the baby bjorn and Ben in the cart. Ben was an absolute delight and Lyle slept the entire time. We quickly got everything on our list and had I been able to bend over with out Lyle falling out I might have gotten a pair of shoes. And Lyle did get a new "outfit." Oh....the land of impulse buying.

Next, in an effort to get a work out in (desperate to move the numbers on the scale...I think I lost 15 pounds the first two weeks after Lyle was born and not a pound since....frustrating!!!), I borrowed a double jogging stroller from a friend and headed to Corona del Mar. Now please note that Ben has not been stroller bound in over a year, with the exception of riding the 100 yards to the park in our neighborhood. He just doesn't sit still and BEGS to get down the entire time. So I gave up walking with him long ago. And joined a fancy gym with child care...but can't take Lyle until he's three months old. But I was determined. And sold the whole outing to Ben as a great adventure with Mommy and Lyle and we would get to see the ocean and play at the park, and what ever else he wanted to do for the rest of his life if he granted me this one request.

So.....with a month's supply of snacks, juice, at least 10 books, and a video iPod in case of emergency, we walked. Or rather I walked. An honest to goodness exercise walk. Pushing about 100 pounds of boys and toys in a stroller along the Pacific Coast Trail. It was heaven. A georgous day. Ben happily in his seat with the sun shade all the way down (at his request) so he was almost in a fort. And Lyle...asleep of course. And I was sweating.

We finished our walk and RALLIED AGAIN! On to Gallo's to pick up lunch and back to a park near where we'd started our walk. I fed Lyle in the park, over looking the ocean. Ben played. We ate lunch. SUPER MOM! How many points for that morning I ask?!?!

And none of this is the real reason for my post. Ben's in love with Dora the Explorer. And has been watching a lot of Dora. Like everytime I feed Lyle, Ben gets to watch Dora. Everyone is happy, and bi-lingual. So the song she and Boots sing at the end of each episode run through my head over and over and over all day. And it's quite encouraging! This is how I felt this morning. We did it!

GFC

Our family (rarely b/c someone is ALWAYS FREAKING SICK) attends a small, Christian church in our neighborhood. I don't want to tell you the name because well, it's out little secret church. Let's just call if GFC. And as much as I try to force "sharing" on Ben, I don't share well myself. Especially the really good stuff in my life. And frankly, there's not really room for you. We're out of chairs. And if you did come, you might try to sit in "my seat." And that would not be good. And we welcome visitors. But just visit once. We don't really want to grow our family too big. Because what if you don't agree with everything we believe in? Or you want to challenge something? That will just cause trouble.* And don't even mention "two services." So wrong.

So...we have gone there for years. And love it. I mean really love it. As in when we were thinking of moving to Texas, GFC was at the very top of my list of reasons NEVER TO LEAVE CALIFORNIA. And in the past few weeks, I have loved it even more.

1. The dinner fairy (as Ben called them) visited us three nights a week for 4 weeks after Lyle was born. As in, the sweetest women in the world from GFC cooked up the tastiest meals in the world (think steak, and fresh roasted chicken and biscuits, and salad and fruit salad and organic veggies) and delivered them to my house in the most creative to go packaging in the world, and saved my world because I didn't have to cook for a month. Meals. And left overs. And dessert. Lots of dessert!
2. We attended a baby dedication for a GFC friend last weekend and it was outside, and there was a bounce house. Need I say more? I don't think so. But I will. There was all sorts of tasty food and dessert!
3. I have been taking Ben to GFC one morning a week and utilizing the women's bible study child care, and not doing the bible study. I think this is illegal. But they have not kicked Ben to the curb yet. He's happy and full on fishy crackers when I come pick him up.
4. My husband came home from the men's retreat with a 1/2 empty bottle of triple sec. I don't ask questions. But margaritas are always on the "pro" list for me.
5. Snow cone machine outside church last Sunday. Ben commandeered the flavor bottles. Rainbow madness. All over himself.

Not to mention (but I will)
The best biblical, life application, (with humor!) teaching ever.
Amazing friends and fellowship.
Loving child care.

* Please note these views are mine alone and do not represent the views of unnamed "church."

Super mom

Greg likes to throw this term around. "Super mom." Mostly when referring to my friends. So I thought there should be some scale. Or Survey we could all take to see how we measure up. Good luck. And good luck keeping score. I don't think I can count above 5 anymore. Brain. Is missing. Have you seen it?

One kid + 1 point
Two kids +2 points
Three kids +3 points
4 kids +4 points
5 or more kids + 1,000 points
Bathe most of your kids daily + 1 point
Bathe all of your kids daily +2 points
Remember to wash kids hands at the park before lunch +2 points
Remember all your kids when you leave the park +5 points
Offer only organic foods to your children (fruits and veggies) +2 points
Your kids eat aforementioned organic fruits and veggies +5 points
You remember the last time you brushed your child's teeth +1 point
Use cloth diapers + 2 points
Own cloth diapers but don't use them + 0 points
Don't utilize child care....ever + 5 points
Don't utilize child care more than 5 times a week + 1 point
"Wear your baby" (instead of letting your baby exist in his car seat for hours and days on end + 2 points


Your kids are dirty, occasionally defiant and unruly but know they are loved...+1,000,000 points

hanging on by a thread today....

some might say that i'm in the "throws of motherhood."

today that means that i've been peed on, pooped on and spit up on right between my giant breastfeeding boobs.

and i'm going on 4 hours of sleep. total. last night.

i know i shouldn't complain. if any of you have seen me in the last 6 weeks and asked how things were going i probably responded with, "great! lyle sleeps 24 hours a day and ben loves him." which is or was mostly true. but lyle is waking up more and more. and ben is loving in different ways that make this reality a little more challenging. and as noted here i no longer have a brain. sad.

boys feed babies too....

how could i NOT post this picture?!?! that's ben...in his fort...nursing his baby monkey.

fun things to do with a toddler

this list is more a reminder for me, for those days when i am too tired to be fun and creative for ben and need a little nudge.

1. build a fort using the sofa and cushions, blankets, etc.
2. indoor camping - get the sleeping bags out, flash lights, snacks, etc.
3. fill the kiddy pool with soapy water and wash all the outside toys. (this sounds a bit neurotic as i type this, but really, ben LOVES water and bubbles and pretend cleaning anything! i'm not abusing him with household chores...yet.)
4. play dough and all the fun kitchen utensils
5. water the plants with a squirt bottle
6. band practice - turn the kids music on and get out all the instruments and play play play with your kido
7. make cookies
8. make more cookies
9. dump all the baskets of toys out (it's amazing what you'll discover that you thought was lost, organize the pieces, play as you go)
10. turn on dora the explorer and take a nap as your kido watches (LAST RESORT people!)

sleepy wrap

Thanks to my sweet friend Danielle for blessing me with a gift certificate to a maternity / nursing store in Aliso Viejo, I am the proud own of a sleepy wrap. (the woman on the website is clearly just a model and not the mom of an infant...or her eyes would be only 1/2 open and she would be carrying "baby weight" along with her baby.) Lyle travels in style now. And I carry him in comfort. However....there are a few limitations that should be noted. It should be further noted that these limitations are really more a reality of having two kids, rather than any flaws with the sleepy wrap design. Which my babe and I love.

Things you can not or should not do while wearing your baby in a sleepy wrap.

try to put sneekers on (babies head kind of rolls out the top and they might fall out)
spank your toddler (see above)
spank your toddler while he is in the car refusing to get in his car seat (this probably should not be done with or with out the sleepy wrap)
cook dinner (this probably should not be done with an infant at all. that's what Wahoo's is for!)

other than that, you're good to go. happy sleepying.

to wake or not to wake, that is the question

it is 3:59 pm. ben has been asleep for 3 hours. should i wake him up? i ask myself this question on any good nap day. any day where is hitting late afternoon, and he is still asleep, and i start to think about how our bed time is going to play out if he's not tired b/c he napped for three plus hours that day. but then, i'm real still. and real quiet. and i hear nothing. and it's glorious. the sound of nothing in the afternoon. nothing but sleeping. and i think....greg will be home to help with bed time tonight, so if ben is not tired, someone else will get to enjoy that battle. sorry greg. i am so selfish sometimes.

4:15 pm. still asleep. i really should wake him...after i finish my diet coke. i should not drink diet coke. there is NOTHING good about it. especially caffeine free diet coke. what's the point? who bought this? where is my trusty dr. pepper that i grew to know and love during 9 months of pregnancy. that is not good for me either.

4:20 pm. i hear talking. do i respond? or ignore? almost done with diet coke.

4:30 pm. ben is awake. game on! let the afternoon of fun begin. we are making forts today!...so i can "pretend sleep" in the living room.

things i did not say this week....

or if i did...i probably shouldn't have.

i will give you cookies if you go outside (and play by yourself and give me 5 minutes of alone time in the house)

the water police will come here and arrest you if you turn the hose on again

go to your room and find your happy face

those are your balls

and those are your nipples

(what...he asked!)

I do it! I do it! I do it! (said in the whiniest voice possible)

Ben's battle cry these days is, "NO! I DO IT. I DO IT. I DO IT." Said in repetition every time. Often with tears forming in his eyes. And a desperation in his voice I did not know was possible for a two year old. A "the world is ending if you pour that milk for me mama. I WANT TO DO IT ALL BY MYSELF. AND I DON'T CARE IF THE WHOLE CARTON SPILLS ON THE FLOOR. I DO IT! I DO IT! I DO IT!!!!" Where does he GET this from?

Sadly, I think he gets it from me. I wouldn't say that I'm a perfectionist. Because I don't always need things perfect. I just need them done my way. My way of cleaning. My way of organizing. My way of cooking. My way of driving. And while we're at it. My schedule. My time. My, my, my. Not only do I inflict this on my husband, and kids, but....God?

I do it God. My way. My timing. My decision. My stuff. My life.

Well, not really. As hard as it is for me to accept this, the reality is that it's God's world. God's stuff. God's timing. And He does things far better than I do. And I need to just let go. Control less. And trust more.

And Ben....please CHILL with the I DO IT! We will do it together with God's help.

Thank you Jesus and thank you Sears!

I have a dryer! And it works! It was delivered tonight and I am already on my third load of laundry. Hooray!

And even better, the sweet people at Sears stumbled upon my blog, and assumed that it is read by hundreds of thousands of people (probably close to accurate), feared a backlash from my negative post about the dryer situation....and SO GENEROUSLY offered to give me a 10% discount on my recent purchase. I am totally serious! How they found it, I have no idea. Maybe they just google for people writing about Sears? Not a bad customer service strategy. And I do appreciate good customer service. And this goes in the record book for the best customer service EVER! Solving a problem that I didn't even "report!" Unreal. So thank you Brian and Edwin, Senior Case Managers at Sears Customer Service!

And I have learned that all good things come from God. So thank you Lord for this gift.

my clothes are still wet

in case you were wondering...and dieing for an update on the dryer situation. the sears guy came on friday and for $70, in three minutes he told me it was going to cost $322 to fix my dryer and he did not have the part with him, so if i did in fact want to spend that (RICIDULOUS) amount of money to fix my (BASICALLY BRAND NEW...4 year old dryer) i would need to call sears and order the part and reschedule someone else to come fix it...in approximately 10 days. awesome. since my baby and everything he owns smells like spit up and i have exactly two articles of clothing (that smell like spit up) that fit my AWESOME postpartum body. and i think postpartum bodies are what lead to postpartum depression. (not really. i totally know it is a VERY REAL and very serious state. i was just trying to be funny. and i hope i don't offend people when i am trying to be funny. i hope you are not offended.) and the fact that my baby smells like spit up is really my fault. who has time to bathe a newborn? but i digress. my favorite thing to do when writing.

so....greg and i went to sears on friday night to buy a NEW dryer. b/c it was SO FREAKNG expensive to fix the one we've got. and not that much more $ to get a new one. so we're at sears, and i'm tired, and annoyed. b/c if you read my blog (which obviously you do) you know how much i HATE spending money on things that are 1)not pretty, 2) not planned for, or 3) not something to make me feel better about my postpartum body. and it was late and i was tired, because i have a (PRECIOUS, PERFECT newborn...that smells like spit up.) so we buy the dryer. (actually it wasn't that easy. friday night i bought a cheaper dryer than my current broken one, but it was not going to "match" my washer. but it was old school and less likely to break like my current one did. and i was ok with this decision, until the 2 am....or maybe 5 am feeding of lyle saturday morning at which point i (can you be vein about your appliances...in your garage?) i decided i couldn't live with a cheaper (just by $75) dryer that didn't match my washer. so i went BACK TO SEARS saturday morning and changed my order. i think this reveals a lot about my character...flaws. go ahead and judge me.

and they were all set to deliver today. and we'd planned to take greg's parents and the kids (i love saying "the kids") to LA to go to the Farmers Market and Grove....during the delivery window of course. so (SO AMAZING I DON'T EVEN HAVE WORDS B/C SHE HAS BEEN DOING MY LAUNDRY FOR TWO WEEKS B/C MY DRYER IS BROKEN AND THAT INCLUDES PICKING IT UP AND DROPPING IT OFF ALL FOLDED NICE) gramma dorie volunteered to wait at our house for the delivery guys. with my new (matching) dryer.

so we went to LA...and came home....only to discover that i'd ordered an "electric" dryer and we have a gas hook up. HOLY MOTHER......F.........

no dryer.

back to sears tomorrow.

to order the correct dryer.

praying they will give me the sale price....for the sale that ended saturday.

please lord?

dry clothes?

it should be noted that someone that lives in my house and loves me told me that we had an electric dryer. he does not remember saying this last week. but i assure you...he did. and that is why i ordered an electric one. that, and i had no idea how to tell (by looking at the hook up) that we had a gas dryer. but now i know.

it should also be noted that not having a dryer is my attempt to "go green." inspired by jodie: the one car family wonder!

it should also be noted that it is WAY past my bedtime and i will be a post partum mess tomorrow.

Lyle...three weeks old

Who does he look like?!?!

lyle....this is Jesus

Sweet Ben reading his toddler bible to Lyle....who was just trying to sleep. I am so excited for these boys to have each other and pray for their sweet relationship as brothers.

does it count....

as night time victory if both boys are fed, bathed, in PJs, one is in a bouncy chair and the other is in his crib screaming, "i want my daddy?" at the top of his lungs?

i think so!

victory!

time for a little wine.

how much wine is too much wine when nursing a newborn?

wait....don't answer that. i don't want to know.

things that disappear at my house....

tupperware
black pens
running socks
thomas the train underwear
chocolate
kleenex
blueberries

packing the ice chest...

we spent a lot of time packing the ice chest when i was little. you see....it was HOT in texas. especially in the summer. and you had to keep things cool. or you would die.

mom would make sandwiches. tuna or turkey. on wheat bread. our favorite. and put them in these little individual Tupperware containers made specifically for sandwiches. and we'd put them in the ice chest. along with a couple dr. peppers. and some lemonade for dad. and a diet coke for mom. and lots of ice on top. and some home made chocolate chip cookies in a plastic bag. and we'd go to the lake or to the pool.

last week. i made some sandwiches. and put them in an ice chest. along with a couple drinks. and some cookies. and took my boys to the pool. and it felt right. like it was my turn. to be mom. with two kids. making lunches. and playing outside. i love summer. and picnics. and staying out until the sun goes down. and coming home in a damp bathing suit. and washing off in the tub. and getting ready for bed. a little sun burned. and worn out. and i sure hope my boys do to!

it did not feel so "right" at 2:30 am when the littlest of my kids wanted to wake up and eat and spit op on everything in sight.

i use to work....

i use to be a good conversationalists. i use to ask all sorts of questions. good questions. especially at work. i use to work.

now i breast-feed. it's kind of like work. can take up to 8 hours a day. and i guess there are decisions. which boob? and bigger decisions. do i give a bottle at some point? i have no desire to. but will want the freedom at some point....right? and important things to remember. which boob? and "project planning." when is the next feeding? and which boob to start with? and goals. 10 minutes at least little lyle. and milestones. measured by weight gain. and poop.

yea. i breast-feed. and i think somehow the baby chemically sucks my brain out with the milk. has anyone studied this? b/c we all talk about pregnancy brain. and mom brain. as in "where did mine go?" and now i know. we physically give our brains to our kids. to the next generation. go forth lyle. and be smart. i use to be. :)

Strategy

Greg is a crazy sports fan. And not a sit on the couch drinking beer watching only football all day sports fan. He has this love for the strategy of each and every sport that is mind boggling. Cycling. Soccer. Tennis. Triathlon. You name it. He loves to watch it. Read about it. Talk about it. Tell me about it. Really, he will spend hours (if I let him) explaining the finer points of each of these sports with me. The offense. And defense. In cycling? Really? I have no idea how there is room in his brain for all this information.

This week is was soccer. We were watching some international cup game of sorts. And somehow Greg knows all the players, coaches, background, records, etc. When I have not seen him watch another soccer game in at least a year. How does he stay current? I have no idea. But I digress.

Sports....strategy. Well, we need a strategy....for raising (surviving) our two boys. And we need it fast. Or they are going to figure out that they have us. They will totally have us beat. Ben already knows my weaknesses. And he taunts me with them. He knows I have no patience. And I think he actually enjoys seeing me start to convulse as he dilly dallies getting into his car seat for instance. Drives me crazy. And he knows how to push Greg's buttons. Especially after a long day at work. And I'm sure he's sharing all this information with Lyle when I"m not looking. Not that I would leave them alone and unattended together...with Ben's desperate desire to "hold him...I hold him" all the time.

I'm sweating just thinking about it. Game on boys. Game on!

Clothes line?

So....my dryer is on the fritz. Stops mid-drying. For no reason. Clothes wet. I start it again. Stops again when it's tired I guess. Clothes still wet. I've been micro managing it for days now. Restarting 5-10 times for each load. This is ridiculous. Doesn't it KNOW I have a newborn with ENDLESS dirty laundry? And since my little peanut is only 7 lbs. (weighed at the Dr. today!), he's still to small for most of his clothes. So we're rotating 4 newborn onsies. And he spits up on all 4 of them everyday. And several burp clothes, blankets, shirts of mine, etc.

So I'm contemplating fashioning a clothes line in the back yard. Or the front yard for that matter. To capitalize on the early morning sun? If the neighbors can park an RV in their drive way, why can't I dry my clothes? I'll take pictures once it's up and running.

Until then, we'll all be smelling like spit up around here. Awesome.

On a side note, I'm totally use to random house / appliance malfunctions with our 50 year old house and all. There is always something. But my dryer....only 4 years old. Still looks brand new. Oh I was SOOOO excited about a new washer and dryer when we bought them. Lucky for me Sears is coming to take a look at this problem on July 10th. SERIOUSLY!??!?!? JULY 10th?!?!?! There was no where on the service request form for me to note that I HAVE A NEWBORN AND EVERYTHING SMELLS LIKE SPIT UP. Actually lucky for me it's warm this week...Lyle will be wearing just diapers. And I'm going to make bibs out of paper towels. Right after I hang the clothes line.

wondering....

...how I change the title of my blog to include my second born. And what I will call it. And if there is another blogger out there that has already taken my name???

I finally got video of Ben singing "Jesus loves me" to Lyle this morning. Little Lyle was already asleep, and unfortunately three rounds of "Jesus loves me," with the lights turned off and on after each round, followed by Ben taking his pacifier away from him did not do much to keep him asleep. But it was sweet none the less. And I have it documented. http://gallery.me.com/gregthorburn#100116&bgcolor=black&view=grid

Ben has not demonstrated any aggressive behavior towards Lyle. All love all the time. He wants to hold him and feed him and kiss him and sing to him. It's precious. He has though, reserved all his aggressive behavior for Greg and I. But after two weeks of getting use to a newborn again, I have managed to spend more and more time with Ben each day which is helping. We've had some sweet dates and picnic lunches outside while Lyle sleeps the day away. That and all the sugar and presents I've been lavishing upon him!