Maternity jeans....

I've got them. I love them. I'm still wearing them. And so is my mom.

Funny. My mom has been in town for the last two weeks helping with....everything. Her special purpose is errand running. She's the best I know. And painting. Nothing artistic (sorry mom). Just good old indoor room painting. So far (in the last three years) she has helped me paint the office (green), Lyle's room (aqua and white) and most recently, the boy's bathroom (grey). And obviously she needs "painting clothes" for these projects. And always asks me for an old t-shirt and shorts or something to paint in. And being the (totally compulsive Goodwill giver) closet cleaner outer that I am....I don't really have many old clothes lying around. If they don't get worn, they get donated. Really, I make at least one trip to Goodwill each week with SOMETHING from my closet, the office, the garage....So when Nance asked me for old clothes to paint the bathroom in, the only thing I could find was a horrible pair of maternity capri jeans that I'd ordered on line from Old Navy that were never to be worn again. Regardless if we decide to have another baby (and don't even bother asking, Greg and I have not even thought about having that conversation, really, we have never talked about how many kids we want to have..we are just taking one at a time)...they were on their way out. So she sported the elastic waste band pants and loved them. And we got a kick out of the fact that at 62 she was wearing maternity jeans.

And I am still wearing maternity jeans. Because they are just so comfortable. Why ever go back to zipper and buttons when you can wear elastic?

Please someone call me out on this if I'm still wearing them come fall.

in case i have time....

this is seriously the stack of books that have piled up on my night side table in the last few months. i walked into my room and it caught my eye. i need to expand my horizons. but clearly i am in the throws of motherhood.

i am not actually reading any of them. except thomas the train. too tired.

ben hit me today. can someone read these books and tell me how to handle this in light of his whole world changing the last week.

Lyle Christian Thorburn

Love him! Born 06/17/2009. 10: 57 pm. 6 lbs. 13. oz. 19".

Decision

I have debated the last few weeks whether or not I want to be induced. The first time my Dr. mentioned it as an option at 39 weeks, I lept for joy, finally seeing a certain light at the end of the tunnel. But then quickly reconsidered, wanting to wait for God's (and our little one's) timing. But as the days have counted on, and the pain in some special places has become less and less bearable, I think it is time for us to meet our little one. At my appointment last week, my Dr. presented the induction as a necessary step because of my physical situation, rather than an option. So, that kind of sealed the deal.

But I'm still nervous. I have been praying daily, hourly, that I would go into labor before today. But no avail. Here I sit. Watching the clock....slowly approaching 10:00 when I can call the hospital and see if they are room for me. And Lord willing, if not today, then tomorrow. "Hotel" Hoag (Hospital) is a VERY popular place. Kind of like those VW Mini Van commercials claiming that people are procreating just to get a German Engineered mini van.....for REAL, people procreate in Orange County just so they can have an ocean view labor and delivery room in the newly remodeled maternity building. Although now that I think about it....all in, even after insurance pays their part, I think it's more expensive to have a baby than spend the weekend at the Montage in Laguna Beach. Which is sounding really good right now. That will go on the pro/con list for having a third child. That, and the unbearable pain in special places that apparently I get during pregnancy.

I'm just feeling overwhelmed at what's coming. Which makes me feel
depressed that I'm already overwhelmed and the baby is not even here
yet. And my body hurts in lots of places. And we don't have a busy
day which overwhelms me thinking about how to keep Ben happy and
entertained all day when I have so little energy. And I'm nervous
about tomorrow. And excited. And still fighting this deep cough that
came back out of no where. And I can't believe Greg and Ben have pink
eye. And I was hoping that I would go into labor. And I'm nervous
about going into labor. And I am just crazy hormonal emotional right
now.

So that's how I am feeling. And why there is so much crying.

can't sleep....

too hungry. i'm up eating my second middle of the night bowl of cereal tonight. alone. tomorrow night, i might not be alone. i might be holding our little one. navigating the roads of tiny baby nutritional needs, swaddling, cuddling, diaper changing, rocking, listening to precious sounds.

but for tonight, ben is coughing. poor kid is trying to cough up flym probably the size of his head. and somehow he managed to get pink eye at mom's morning out yesterday. bummer on so many levels.

Lord, please keep us healthy this week as we welcome a new little one into our family.

who is this big kid?!?!?

Seriously....how do they grow up SO fast? How can this hat wearing, bike riding kido be my baby?!?!?!? Ben rode his bike all the way to the park, around the lake a few times AND BACK yesterday by himself. Just kidding. Greg was with him. But seriously. I'm just waiting for him to tell me his quads are sore this morning.

false alarm....

bummer.

sweet Ben....

I am starting to have contractions. My Aunt and Gramma Dorie just took Ben to their house for the night. And as I buckled him in his car seat, my eyes welled up with tears. So much is about to change for my sweet Ben. It has been a challenging home stretch with my ever decreasing energy level (read: patience), and Ben's every increasing zeal for life. Everyday he is more a active, energetic (I didn't think it was possible!) curious, testing, questioning, demanding, loving, and caring little boy. And I have given him all I have for the last two years. And when I look months, and years into the future, I am so excited about him having a little brother. To play with and challenge and encourage and love on. But in the mean time....when that little brother can not walk, or talk or play. I'm afriad it's just going to feel like someone moved in on his territory. And stole his mama. Lord, I surrender these fears to you.

I am having contractions. And I am remembering how much I did not like them last time. And I am sweating just thinking about it. Or am I sweating because it's hot in the house and I am pregnant?

I am having contractions. And Greg is not home from work yet.

I am having contractions. And I am going to have a baby soon.

I am having contractions. And I can't wait to meet our son.

I am having contractions. And I am so excited for our growing family.

I am having contractions and wonering if it's too soon to open a bottle of champgne. To celebrate a new life....and take the edge off the contractions.

I am having contractions. And not at all sure that this is it. You know when you want something so badly, you start to imagine that happening?

Am I just imagining?

I'll let you know in the morning.

For now....crap, Greg is almost home and I don't have anything for dinner. Again.

threats...

I think I might have just told Ben that he is never going to another birthday party again.

Discipline or distraction?

I have asked this question over and over since Ben was very young. He would be getting into something he shouldn't be and I would have a decision to make. Do I discipline him because I've asked him not to touch, grab, stand, jump, etc on something and he is continuing to do it, or do I just remove him from the situation (essentially removing him from the temptation) OR remove the temptation all together. ie...removing all the furniture, appliances, electronics, lamps, picture frames, sharp objects, and accessories in our house and padding all the walls.

I believe that he needs to learn that there are boundaries. In life. For safety. And sanity (namely mine). And there is appropriate behavior and inappropriate behavior. For adults. But he is far from an adult. So is there behavior that is acceptable for kids just because they are kids?

Some days I think I am way to hard on him. (Obviously today is one of those days). Poor kid gets all my attention. And I don't miss a thing when it's just the two of us. I'm thinking our little addition coming soon (please Lord Jesus....soon!) will provide a pleasant distraction in Ben's mind so Greg and I aren't all over him all the time. He'll surely have a little more freedom to explore his inner mischievousness with out getting caught! And hopefully with out getting hurt. Or maybe it's that I'm not giving him enough attention. He asked for a spanking today. Really? What do I do with that? I asked him why and he didn't answer. Then I asked him is spankings hurt and he said yes. Sooooo? What part of hurt do you want? I don't understand. And is spanking against the law? Really, I need to know. Because I pulled the car over this morning and gave Ben a spanking in the back seat and am wondering if someone was watching, writing down my license plate number and going to contact the authorities? See....I have this unhealthy FEAR of authority. Always feeling guilty for something that I haven't done, thinking I will be wrongly accuesed, and have to serve time. And sweet Ben....is asking for spankings. And has NO FEAR of any (unpleasent) consequsence he has been given thus far. He is usually giggiling.

So what starts out as simply asking Ben not to do something. Turns into him continuing to do it. Which is disobedient in my mind. And there needs to be a consequence. But if I punish him for disobeying, the thing he was doing doesn't always seem worthy of punishment. Do you hear me? Then I question whether I've made too big of a deal of something small and I should have just creatively redirected his energy. Which is what I feel like I'm doing all day. Redirecting his ENDLESS energy towards non-life-threatening activities. And when I say life-threatening....I am exaggerating a little....but sometimes the sanity in my life is in danger.

And soon....there's going to be two of them.

And this week Greg and I talked about what we want Ben's motivation for obedience to be. Is it fear? Well...no. I don't want him to be afraid of us. Or afraid of consequences of not obeying. Out of a desire to please us? Kind of, but not in a acceptance seeking way. I want him to desire to obey us....out of love. Really. Isn't that why we strive to obey God? In response to His amazing love? I want Ben to know our love, our endless, boundary-less, consuming, unending, ever-growing love.

And I don't want him to remember his mom as being easily angered. Lord, please give me wisdom that I will parent Ben with love and neither punish him unnecessarily, nor disobey You by not addressing behavior the needs to be addressed. Please show me that line, and help me walk it.

Love basket

Ok ladies (....I'm fairly certain I don't have any male readers out there!) I got this idea from a book I'm reading with my dear friend Karin. The book is titled "Youniquely Woman" and it is written by 3 wise, old women that love Jesus. I don't think they'd mind me saying old. I think they are old no matter how you look at it. But they have lived well and experienced a lot and share openly. It's good stuff. And very practical. Which I appreciate at this stage. No time to ponder HOW to incorporate life changing principles into my life....must clean the floor. Use vinegar and water? THANK YOU. That is the kind of information I was looking for.

So back up two weeks, and Greg basically lived at his office for a week straight. He was up and out before I even thought about opening my eyesin the morning, and home long after Ben and I were in bed. Now I can't say I'm the BEST at consistently providing a healthy, hot meal for my family for dinner. It is usually thrown together some time between 6-6:15. ......but poor Greg had been eating the second 1/2 of a $5 footlong for days and I was feeling bad that he was stuck at the office will an insurmountable load of work. And I am being as supportive as possible with his work load these days, knowing that as soon as the baby comes, I will likely not be supportive of his work load at all and want him home a lot more. But I'm holding on to that card for now.

Anywho....I'd just finished reading the section on marriage...you know, how to have a good, loving one? And one of the suggestion was making a love basket for your husband. (Although this can be done for anyone who needs a little love. Friend. Neighbor. Mom. Sister. Share the love!) I'm not sure this guarantees a good, loving marriage, but it sure helps it when one or both people need a little pick me up.

So Ben and I spent the morning gathering Greg's favorite snacks at Trader Joes, making him a tasty sandwich for lunch, and spicy curry chicken for dinner. We packed a bag full of fruit, drinks, snacks and both meals. Added hand made cards with all sorts of love, and called him to make the delivery.

We met Greg outside his office and delievered the goods. First it was just good to see him during daylight hours. And he sat in the car and played with Ben for a while, which was also wonderful. And he was so blessed by the love basket. And even better is that Ben and I were so blessed to make it. We had such a fun time with our project and thinking of creative ways to tell daddy how much we loved and appreciated him. Even if I'd started the morning bitter that he wouldn't be home for dinner again, it ended with love. Lots of love.

Share the love ladies!!!

V.I.C.T.O.R.Y!

I'm not claiming sleep victory forever....but Ben went right to bed last nigh in his crib tent and slept until 7:00 this morning. At which point he called for me. Said he had to go potty. And went on the toilet.

GREAT start to the day!

V.I.C.T.O.R.Y! Do you all know that I was a cheerleader in high school? :)

Ultimate Fighting Championship....Cage Match

The crib battle is on.

Ben won't stay in. And won't sleep in his big boy bed. And is not deterred by an punishment we have given him at this point. And just runs out of his room over and over and over and over i'm so tired and over and over and Greg took him on a drive in the car (AGAIN!) to get him to fall asleep last night at 10:00 and he came running in our room at 6:00 am....and that's too early and over and over again...and I'm having a baby SOON!

So, thanks to my new best friend Kristen, who recommended the "crib tent", I have bought and put together our solution. Please Lord, let this work. Everyone needs sleep. And I'm having a baby SOON!

Send your kids over for the Royal Rumble on Saturday. (My brother use to make me watch wrestling and some of the terms kind of stuck with me! Yikes.)








Afternoon update: Ben took a nap in his new tent / crib. Although, he was asleep (fell asleep in the car....he HAS to be as tired at we are) when I put him in. He woke up screaming....probably what I would do if I woke up in a prison. But he was contained. We'll see how tonight goes.