Chosen

One of the most deeply held beliefs I have is that God, in his infinite love, chose me, before the creation of the world, to be his beloved daughter.

But I have questioned this choice over and over the last year. Not questioning God's saving grace. But questioning why...why me? Why any of us? And not just in terms of salvation. But why all together?

Why are some are chosen for greatness and some are chosen for great pain? Why are some chosen to live today....and others chosen to die? I have seen more suffering in the last year than in all my life. Has this been a hard year for everyone? Everywhere? It started with those around me, friends, dear friends. Hurting. Then, in May....it, this pain and hurt of living in a fallen world, entered my life like never before.

It is as if I had so flippantly accepted the eternal reality of the fact that some people go to heaven and some people to go hell. But I balk at the earthly way this plays out. As if I was ok with the concept of eternal suffering, but not today's suffering. Not that for some, life on earth IS hell. Is this making sense? I had never really thought about the suffering in hell, until I saw pain that I could not imagine here on earth. Why Lord? I'd always thought not to question the why's of salvation. But now I'm questioning not only that.....but the why's of the here and now.

Lord, help me to understand. And in my confusion, help me to seek your face. I pray that in the midst of this, I choose to love You, because You first loved me. That I submit to Your will because I know it is good.