Ben and I took a leisurely walk to the park by our house yesterday. We played for quite a while, then headed home (much to Ben's dismay). I kind of had to coerce him by carrying him and pretending to be a galloping horse and singing Trot old Joe, trot old Joe....you ride better than any horse I know....trot old Joe.....all the while trying not to pee in my pregnant pants. We were about through the park and back to the street and I catch a whiff of the unmistakable smell of wacky tobacky....ie. marijuana. After a brief flash back to a Steve Miller Band concert, I say out loud, "Ben, we have to go, I smell pot." To which he logically replies...."I smell pot too mama. I smell pot too."
How young is too young to have the "say no to drugs (or I'll tan your hide!)" conversation?
On a side note, if you google "pot", you will find links to How to Grow Pot and How to Smoke Pot listed before anything about planting in pots, or pots and pans or any other kind of pot. HAVE MERCY...kids don't even have to know the sketchy 25 year old guy that hangs around the high school parking lot anymore. Lord....please protect the little ones.
February 28, 2009
February 25, 2009
boys
it is just settling in that I am going to have two sons. which brings the total number of boys in our house to three. and there's only one me. i'm feeling out numbered. and that i'll wake up one morning in the not so distant future and the "boys" will have used all my bobbie brown make up as war paint or something. and that my skirts will be turned into parashotes for life size GI Joe men. (is GI Joe even still around?) And that I'll slowly morph back into my girl-dressed-as-a-tom-boy, lost soul, bad hair self of the 90's.
then I dig a little deeper and remember that I was totaly void of guy friends growing up, i mean real friends. not just the ones that you were waiting to date. or dump. and kind of incapable of relating to the opposite sex on a healthy, mature, we're all humans you just have a penis, level. will this be different in parenting? will I be able to relate to all the stinky boys in my house? to be their biggest fan with out being the biggest nerd, wearing life size pictures of my child on my chest at football games. oh wait, my boys will not be playing football. WAY too dangerous! ...errrr....will I let my boys be boys? and help them grow into self assured, confident, loving men? oh I hope so!
then I dig a little deeper and remember that I was totaly void of guy friends growing up, i mean real friends. not just the ones that you were waiting to date. or dump. and kind of incapable of relating to the opposite sex on a healthy, mature, we're all humans you just have a penis, level. will this be different in parenting? will I be able to relate to all the stinky boys in my house? to be their biggest fan with out being the biggest nerd, wearing life size pictures of my child on my chest at football games. oh wait, my boys will not be playing football. WAY too dangerous! ...errrr....will I let my boys be boys? and help them grow into self assured, confident, loving men? oh I hope so!
February 3, 2009
how the story goes....
In July 1976, my parents leave California and moved to Texas. Two months later, I am born. There are no street lights in our little town of The Woodlands, only stop signs.
We spend hot summer days on my parents boat on Lake Conroe and I learn to ski before I can remember.
When I am 8 years old, I asked Jesus into my heart because my best friend Courtney did.
I go through a horribly awkward hair stage that lasted for a decade.
Dressed like Brenda Walsh, in colored jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt from the Gap, I enter high school in the fall of 1991 and experience my first physical signs of anxiety. I also become boy crazy and began looking for love in all the wrong places. Even though I know Jesus.
My senior year I try for a week to be anorexic but I have no will power. I also (clearly) do not have a healthy self image. It would be years before that developed. I do however have an amazing group of at least 10 girlfriends that I share so much of my life with. They are all incredibly smart, motivated, successful, gifted, kind, strong willed, loving girls and they challenge me to be a better person everyday. I am amazed but not surprised at how sucessful they all are today.
In the fall of 1995 I move to Austin to attend the University of Texas. The second largest school in the nation at the time. I miss my sweet friends dearly and am a little lost...ok, a lot lost.
December 13, 1996 a fire destroyes my college apartment. I am able to recover a few belongings, wet and mildewed. But lose a sense of security I have long held on to. I begin to question everything. I am lonely. Depressed. And watch a lot of Dallas reruns. Who shot JR?!?!
The following Summer (1997) I take a group of high school girls to Young Life Camp at Frontier Ranch and in turn, hear the Gospel of grace and forgiveness like never before. I rededicate my life to Jesus. And am afraid to go home, not knowing how to undo the mess I've made of college life.
Spring of 1998, God has slowly undone the mess, surrounded me with amazing Godly women, and begun to answer all the questions I'd been wrestling with for the previous two years. With His perspective, I begin to see where I was, the depth of my sin, when He lovingly called me into a relationship. My world and my theology are changed.
June 1999 I graduate from The University of Texas Business School, one of my greatest accomplishments in life. After 5 weeks back packing around Europe with my best friend Courtney, I pack everything I own and move to California to start a job with Hewitt. I live by myself at Park Newport Apartments.
December 1999, I move into a small house in Corona del Mar with Karin and Danielle and develop life long friends and am blessed by sweet fellowship and accountability. I discover I am really good at my job and enjoy God's blessings at work for several years to come. I find much of my identity and self confidence there.
September 2000, Tim Isom dies of a seizure in his apartment in Chicago. Although we dated for only a short time in high school, and I remember him as a friend more than anything, my heart hurt so much for his fiance, family and friends. He was a sweet soul. I clung to a bible found in the pew during the entire service. Occasionally looking down to read a Psalm. I still think of his sweet mom from time to time. He is still the only person I have known well to die.
The morning of September 11, 2001 I am at the gym when the first plane hits the World Trade Center. I watch live as the second plane hits the other tower. On my way home the Pentagon is hit and I hardly have the words to tell my roommates what is happening. I weap in the shower for lives lost and pray for our country and President Bush.
June 8, 2002 I meet a groomsman at a friend's wedding in Houston. Although completely sober that night, I have no recollection. You know, because I hadn't "planned" on meeting THE ONE on that short visit to Texas. Two months later, aforementioned groomsman e-mails me from Texas. A month later we have our first date in Newport Beach. He is conveniently in the area on vacation. 6 weeks and a hundred phone conversations later, we are in love and my sweet soul mate makes plans to move to California.
June 20, 2003 Greg proposes atop the Wrigley Memorial on Catalina Island. I respond with, "are you serious?!?!" You know, because I hadn't planned on being proposed to that morning. I am extatic and can hardly believe I have found such an amazing person that loves me the way he does.
February 28, 2004 Greg and I are married surrounded by friends and family...hundreds of them. My wedding dress is by far the most beautiful article of clothing I have ever worn.
Summer 2006, Greg and I spend endless hours talking, debating, and praying about moving back to Texas. At the time it was the hardest, biggest decision we'd faced together. God was present the entire time and faithful to reveal His will to us as doors opened and closed around us. I am thankful that we did put so much time and prayer into the conversation and confident we made the right decision...to stay in California.
March 10, 2007 Sweet Ben is born. He is little and precious. And my whole world changes. He is a happy baby and full of energy and personality at a young age. I live to make him laugh.
November 7, 2007 Judson Levasheff dies two months shy of his third birthday after a 5 month battle with Krabbe disease. My heart is broken for friends we barely know. For a boy we have seen just in passing at church. Greg and I spend hours and days and months talking, searching, praying, questioning, and turning to God. And I still ask, "why the children Lord Jesus?"
January 2008, I found out that I was pregnant and miscarry a week later. I am sad, but able to quickly move on and start to think about trying to get pregnant again.
February 2008, After years of careed identity crisis, I leave my job to go run operations for a small hair care products company and LOVE the change.
May 2008, I am pregnant again, but there are complications, and I miscarry a month later. My heart hurts. I am scared. And sad. I spend months reflecting, praying, wondering, hurting. God is faithfully present the entire time. As is Greg. Full of compassion. Four months later I become pregnant again and daily surrender my anxitey about the pregnancy to the Lord.
Today....I am 20 weeks pregnant, having a BOY and continuing to seek my sweet Lord Jesus for all thing, praise Him for all things and love him the best I can.
We spend hot summer days on my parents boat on Lake Conroe and I learn to ski before I can remember.
When I am 8 years old, I asked Jesus into my heart because my best friend Courtney did.
I go through a horribly awkward hair stage that lasted for a decade.
Dressed like Brenda Walsh, in colored jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt from the Gap, I enter high school in the fall of 1991 and experience my first physical signs of anxiety. I also become boy crazy and began looking for love in all the wrong places. Even though I know Jesus.
My senior year I try for a week to be anorexic but I have no will power. I also (clearly) do not have a healthy self image. It would be years before that developed. I do however have an amazing group of at least 10 girlfriends that I share so much of my life with. They are all incredibly smart, motivated, successful, gifted, kind, strong willed, loving girls and they challenge me to be a better person everyday. I am amazed but not surprised at how sucessful they all are today.
In the fall of 1995 I move to Austin to attend the University of Texas. The second largest school in the nation at the time. I miss my sweet friends dearly and am a little lost...ok, a lot lost.
December 13, 1996 a fire destroyes my college apartment. I am able to recover a few belongings, wet and mildewed. But lose a sense of security I have long held on to. I begin to question everything. I am lonely. Depressed. And watch a lot of Dallas reruns. Who shot JR?!?!
The following Summer (1997) I take a group of high school girls to Young Life Camp at Frontier Ranch and in turn, hear the Gospel of grace and forgiveness like never before. I rededicate my life to Jesus. And am afraid to go home, not knowing how to undo the mess I've made of college life.
Spring of 1998, God has slowly undone the mess, surrounded me with amazing Godly women, and begun to answer all the questions I'd been wrestling with for the previous two years. With His perspective, I begin to see where I was, the depth of my sin, when He lovingly called me into a relationship. My world and my theology are changed.
June 1999 I graduate from The University of Texas Business School, one of my greatest accomplishments in life. After 5 weeks back packing around Europe with my best friend Courtney, I pack everything I own and move to California to start a job with Hewitt. I live by myself at Park Newport Apartments.
December 1999, I move into a small house in Corona del Mar with Karin and Danielle and develop life long friends and am blessed by sweet fellowship and accountability. I discover I am really good at my job and enjoy God's blessings at work for several years to come. I find much of my identity and self confidence there.
September 2000, Tim Isom dies of a seizure in his apartment in Chicago. Although we dated for only a short time in high school, and I remember him as a friend more than anything, my heart hurt so much for his fiance, family and friends. He was a sweet soul. I clung to a bible found in the pew during the entire service. Occasionally looking down to read a Psalm. I still think of his sweet mom from time to time. He is still the only person I have known well to die.
The morning of September 11, 2001 I am at the gym when the first plane hits the World Trade Center. I watch live as the second plane hits the other tower. On my way home the Pentagon is hit and I hardly have the words to tell my roommates what is happening. I weap in the shower for lives lost and pray for our country and President Bush.
June 8, 2002 I meet a groomsman at a friend's wedding in Houston. Although completely sober that night, I have no recollection. You know, because I hadn't "planned" on meeting THE ONE on that short visit to Texas. Two months later, aforementioned groomsman e-mails me from Texas. A month later we have our first date in Newport Beach. He is conveniently in the area on vacation. 6 weeks and a hundred phone conversations later, we are in love and my sweet soul mate makes plans to move to California.
June 20, 2003 Greg proposes atop the Wrigley Memorial on Catalina Island. I respond with, "are you serious?!?!" You know, because I hadn't planned on being proposed to that morning. I am extatic and can hardly believe I have found such an amazing person that loves me the way he does.
February 28, 2004 Greg and I are married surrounded by friends and family...hundreds of them. My wedding dress is by far the most beautiful article of clothing I have ever worn.
Summer 2006, Greg and I spend endless hours talking, debating, and praying about moving back to Texas. At the time it was the hardest, biggest decision we'd faced together. God was present the entire time and faithful to reveal His will to us as doors opened and closed around us. I am thankful that we did put so much time and prayer into the conversation and confident we made the right decision...to stay in California.
March 10, 2007 Sweet Ben is born. He is little and precious. And my whole world changes. He is a happy baby and full of energy and personality at a young age. I live to make him laugh.
November 7, 2007 Judson Levasheff dies two months shy of his third birthday after a 5 month battle with Krabbe disease. My heart is broken for friends we barely know. For a boy we have seen just in passing at church. Greg and I spend hours and days and months talking, searching, praying, questioning, and turning to God. And I still ask, "why the children Lord Jesus?"
January 2008, I found out that I was pregnant and miscarry a week later. I am sad, but able to quickly move on and start to think about trying to get pregnant again.
February 2008, After years of careed identity crisis, I leave my job to go run operations for a small hair care products company and LOVE the change.
May 2008, I am pregnant again, but there are complications, and I miscarry a month later. My heart hurts. I am scared. And sad. I spend months reflecting, praying, wondering, hurting. God is faithfully present the entire time. As is Greg. Full of compassion. Four months later I become pregnant again and daily surrender my anxitey about the pregnancy to the Lord.
Today....I am 20 weeks pregnant, having a BOY and continuing to seek my sweet Lord Jesus for all thing, praise Him for all things and love him the best I can.
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