forever marked

i have cried stains into the wood desk in our office this year as i've typed on my computer. tears for Judson. tears for our babies. tears for hurting friends. tears for strangers. so many tears. i feel like i should circle them with ink and label them. to document this journey. this season. this time when i have been forever changed by the hurt in this world and the love of Christ. and i am desperate to understand the balance. how joy and pain can exist in the same heart at the same moment.