baby camo?

I have a few hand me downs for Lyle made of cotton camo fabric. This look is so common. And they are the perfect size. Great for PJs. But I shutter when I put them on him. I immediately think of him, as a grown boy, and the possibility of him having to serve our country as a solider in war. And the thought frightens me. He is so little. And has so much ahead of him. But this thought feels so out of my hands. Out of control. Then I am flooded with guilt of not wanting my boys to fight for the freedom that I love. Of wanting to hold them and protect them from all painful realities of living in a fallen world.

My father begrudgingly enlisted in the Marine reserves during Vietnam, but never left California. And my grandfather served in the Coast Guard during WWII....and never left California. I do not know the realities of having loved ones in the military. In harms way. But I do cry uncontrollable (at the gym) when I catch news segments of fallen soldiers. I think of their families. Their moms. And wives. And kids. And it hurts my heart. But war, and death are a reality. We have been at war for 8 years. 8 years. And I rarely think about it. Because it is not close to me. Except when the thought is close to me. And Lyle is close to me. Wearing his camo.