pre pardom despression....and other misc. topics

a phrase Greg coined on Saturday, obviously in response to my awesome state of mind as of late. (am I the only one that still uses the word awesome? i say it will all sarcasm if that's any consultation.)

we just had a tough week. pregnancy symptoms are piling up, ben has discovered his inner whinny voice and shares it with me from 6 am - 8 pm, did I mention there is pain in certain places in my body that causes me to say things like "freking" continually through out the day, to which ben has now started repeating me. "awesome." I pee at least 4 times a night. and greg's had an insane week at work last week / weekend and is traveling this week. thank God for Gramma Dorie who is staying with us and watching (the first of at least two episodes) sesame street with Ben this morning.

random developments to note. ben and i are in a full out power stuggle over the "potty." he was doing really well the first couple weeks. really appreciated the encouragement, praise, etc when he'd go on the toilet. but (b/c I've been telling him what to do too much lately) he's just refusing to sit on it now even though he is VERY aware when he needs to go. the only time he will sit on the potty is when he is trying to avoid nap time. and he'll sit there with out peeing for HOURS if i let him. which obviously i don't have the patience for so I take him off and he throws a total coniption fit which then makes me question my decision and potty training consistancy....and letting him try to go. then my ass tells me i've been sitting on the bathroom floor for too long reading stories and it's long past nap time. so I pick him up and throw him screaming into his crib. and he tries to climb out while screaming and crying histerically and yelling "i try again. i try again."

he is capable of climbing out of his crib but hasn't "gone over" yet. he gets up with one leg over the side and greg or i are usually there to act as a barrier and not let him go any further. it's only a matter of time.

ben has decided that the red chenille blanket in our living room is his "baby brother." he balls it up and carries it around and tries to put newborn diapers on it. (jodie, thanks for the donation but they might all be used before the baby actually comes unless I change their hiding place.) he got a burp cloth out yesterday and tried to burp it. then put it down for a nap. obviously (being the controlling person that I am) I have tried to replace the blanket with several of his stuffed animals, which seem like much more logical "baby brothers"....to no avail.

at my last dr. appointment, my (God bless her) OB said she's induce me at 39 weeks if I so choose. to which I almost started crying i was so excited to see the light at the end of the tunnel and be able to add an entry to my calendar that said, "have a baby" on a specific date in mid june. all of my calendaring dreams coming true. planning for where ben will go when we go to the hospital. bag packing. nesting "schedule." i LOVE it! but since then, i have started to think maybe this isn't the best idea and i should just wait until i go into labor? let nature takes it's course (even if it involves painful laboring at home for hours and hours and hours and hours like last time) praying for wisdom (not advice) here. i mean really, I could pick the day of the week that best suited my schedule? greg would know when he was going to be out of work? fabulous.