works of love

I am in a book club with some friends (very smart friends I might add) and we are working our way through Works of Love by Soren Kierkegaard. I say this just so I can sound smart. Or well educated/well read. Something that is very important to my self image, that I spend very little time working towards. With that being said, I really have loved this group. My favorite teacher / pastor / brilliant theologically mind facilitates the group of mostly women and contends with talk of coffee, tea, dessert, sugar with that, a new baby cooing...etc. In the midst of all that, we talk about love. And Kierkegaard's revolutionary, yet 150+ year old vision of this cornerstone of our faith and relationship with Jesus. Love is not an emotion. Love is an act. Love is a duty. Love is a response. But how do we love? What does it look like?

For me it usually looks like doing nice things for people that have already done nice things for me. Mostly a response to love. That feels safe. If you love me, and you have demonstrated it, I feel safe to love you back. But only if you continue to love me proportionately to how much I love you. And maybe even more than I love you. There has to be balance or I might....sometime....maybe....spiral into an insecure ball of sin and implode....or instance.

Coupled with Kierkegaard, I am reading a very different book (comments excluded out of respect for the author) with an equally intelligent group of women focusing on respecting our husbands (...so they will love us more.) Really it is pointing us towards obedience to God through Christ. We (love) respect b/c God first loved us.

But what does this mean? When I am changing (poopy swimmer...gross!) diapers and cleaning the house and working on Seva and making dinner? When I am talking to my mom and listening to my aunt? When I am frustrated (read: jealous) with a friend or angry (read: irrational) with my husband? There are a few concepts that I have seen through these discussions that have impacted (Lord...please impact my heart to change!) me. In my own words (certainly not in the words of Kierkegaard....that I barely understand).

Love the people we see...not the people we want to see. It is easy to love the lovely. To love your husband when he brings you flowers, buys you a diamond and writes you a love letter all on the same day. To love your child when they listen to everything you say....all day long....and smile and tell you how great a mom you are. (tell me now....will this happen before age 18? or not?) To love a friend who calls to tell you what an inspiration you are to them. Etc. It is more challenging to love these same people, when they act out of their sin nature and hurt you. When they are impatient. Angry. Or indifferent towards you. When maybe...they don't even love you (the way you want to be loved). But we are called to love these people for who they are. Sinners. That's the reality. We are to love them on their worst days. And on our worst days. We are to love them when they hurt us. And when they deceive us. And when they ignore us. We are to love them. Period. There is a great love song my husband sent me years ago with these words.

I don't want to fall into your face.
I don't want to fall into your family.
And I don't want to fall into your circumstance. I just want to fall into you.
I don't want to fall into your faith.
I don't want to fall into your mystery.
And I don't want to fall into nothing else to do. I just want to fall into you.
I don't want to your past.
I don't what to fall into what you're going to be someday.
I don't want to fall into your accomplishments. I just want to fall into you.
And I don't want to fall into your touch.
And I don't want to fall into being next to you.
And I don't want to fall into you in love with me. I just want to fall into you.

This post is getting way too long. I'll seperate this into a few different posts. I'm out of coffee and Ben is moments from waking. But for now: "Love believes all things"...because God is high above all things...and can do anything. And we are to "Remain in love's debt"...because Christ freed us from our debt. Praise be His name.