follow through

if you read my blog, you may have noticed that I have mentioned more than once that I am not the best, and sometimes the worst at follow through. you know....setting out on a quest, starting a project, committing to a goal....and actually following through to the very end, to that happy place of completion, victory, accomplishment! there are so many examples I could give you I don't even know where to start. But for instance at the gym this morning I think, "I will do 30 minutes of cardio and 20 minutes of weights." Which turns in to 25 minutes of cardio, 5 minutes of stretching and 10 (I'm serious) girlie push ups. And I rationalize it...I've been sick....haven't worked out in two weeks...I should take it easy. For the record, I"m not sure if I have ever NOT been able to think of a reason why I should take it easy at the gym. I wish where was a lazy monitor that would terminate my membership due to lack of sweat. B/c I'm sure the staff is looking. And thinking....why does she bother? But then they see little Ben flirting with the nursery worker and they understand....he BEGS me to take him to the gym! I digress. (I just wanted to say "I digress" b/c it's my favorite blog phrase!)

I've read the first chapter of hundreds of books. Embarked on dozens of healthy eating plans that lasted less than a day. Some less than a meal. :) Resolved to change countless habits. I trained for a marathon and ran 1/2. I bought light switches to replace the old ones in our house...they are still sitting in the garage. I have picture frames that are not hung. And paint still in cans.

I think one of the reasons for this behavior is that I just get so excited about the next project or goal, I forget about the current one. Or unprioritize it. I am QUEEN (in my world) of starting a new project with out finishing the one in progress. This is evident in my house all the time. The laundry is 1/2 done, the floors are 1/2 mopped, the bed is made but with out pillows, the groceries are put away, minus the rice, bread and beans, which sit on the counter for 2 days. The thing is....I get a LOT done in a day. I am very productive. I work fast. I move fast. And I leave things undone fast. I guess you could say I am impulsive. If something comes to mind, I do it. Even if I"m in the middle of something else. (Greg....if you're still reading, please stop. This is just documentation that I am your walking pet peeve and that can't be good for our relationship. Think fast of all the reasons you love me! And forgot this little itty bitty flaw.***) On a side note, my clients use to LOVE me b/c I would drop what ever I was doing when they called and jump on their request. I just thought I would say that to make myself feel better.

All this to say, I"m not feeling great about deciding to leave Séva. I mean, I feel good about the decision and am confident it is a good one for my family and I at this time, but....it kind of feels like quitting. And when I was in high school, and wanted to quit Cheerleading, and NCL, and my sorority in college, my mom pretty much forbid me from doing so. Am I just rebelling as an adult? Acting out in difiance 15 years later? Or is this unrelated. Probably unrelated. I'm grasping for clarity here people.

I've started thinking life is about the journey. Not the finish line. It's about what you learn along the way. Well....my journey for the next few months at least, involves less scheduled commitments than ever before. I will have endless hours to spend with Ben, holding his hand, sitting with him playing legos (his favorite past time that he insists I participate in now), finishing books I have started, investing in relationships I have neglected, etc. In this next phase of my life....I want to do a few things really well. I want to be present. And invest. In people and relationships. I want to listen more and talk less. Please Lord....help me to listen more and talk less. Help me to start what you want me to start. And finish strong! I pray that I would finish strong in my marriage, in parenting Ben, and in friendships. And most importantly....SO important....I pray that I finish strong with Jesus!

***it should be noted that my dear husband is KING of follow through. He is incapable (literally) of starting a new project with out finishing the current one and it amazes me! He can not stop working with out cleaning up for the day, go to bed with out reading the rest of the article, put the clothes in the new closet with out the second (and necessary) coat of paint on the wall, plant the flowers with out the proper drainage...you get the point. He works harder than any one I know. Doesn't over look a single detail. And can be trusted to complete any project he starts. I LOVE and admire this about him....even when I'm trying to talk him into dropping what he's doing to come play with me...and he won't !