sweet Ben....

I am starting to have contractions. My Aunt and Gramma Dorie just took Ben to their house for the night. And as I buckled him in his car seat, my eyes welled up with tears. So much is about to change for my sweet Ben. It has been a challenging home stretch with my ever decreasing energy level (read: patience), and Ben's every increasing zeal for life. Everyday he is more a active, energetic (I didn't think it was possible!) curious, testing, questioning, demanding, loving, and caring little boy. And I have given him all I have for the last two years. And when I look months, and years into the future, I am so excited about him having a little brother. To play with and challenge and encourage and love on. But in the mean time....when that little brother can not walk, or talk or play. I'm afriad it's just going to feel like someone moved in on his territory. And stole his mama. Lord, I surrender these fears to you.

I am having contractions. And I am remembering how much I did not like them last time. And I am sweating just thinking about it. Or am I sweating because it's hot in the house and I am pregnant?

I am having contractions. And Greg is not home from work yet.

I am having contractions. And I am going to have a baby soon.

I am having contractions. And I can't wait to meet our son.

I am having contractions. And I am so excited for our growing family.

I am having contractions and wonering if it's too soon to open a bottle of champgne. To celebrate a new life....and take the edge off the contractions.

I am having contractions. And not at all sure that this is it. You know when you want something so badly, you start to imagine that happening?

Am I just imagining?

I'll let you know in the morning.

For now....crap, Greg is almost home and I don't have anything for dinner. Again.